the meaning to this : damn.

betrayal

power

backstabbing

competition

struggle

love

its sounds all too familiar! hehs.but nah, its actually the words found on the trailer of

the Curse of the Golden Flower! the movie was fanatabulous:) i had a hard time convincing people

to watch the show but eventually it was hafiz and jilyan who agreed to watch it with me!hahaha.

i'm not sure bout you guys but i love all these epic shit shows. its just damn cool. and its a sad thing that malays only have like one movie thus far that flaunts the rich culture of our past.

***

the family holiday trip to Kl-genting wasnt such a bad thing. had tonnes of fun. and no, i wasnt affected

by the floods at all. although we kind of saw the floods happening at the side of the north-south expressway.

luckily for us, the expressways was built on higher ground! kl was basically filled with singaporeans. and its the same.

nothing has changed at all. and hence i concluded that i shall never ever go there for a holiday ever again because

it gets kindda boring!

oh yeah, met up with the acband people for the chalet and boy, i felt ancient with all those junior band members. it just daunts on me that i'm turning 20 and i'm already a j4! hahaha. i somehow landed up in a room with estee,fyedee and ilyas playing bridge.but it was fun still :)

oh, also met up with the acjc trumpet section for a bbq once again. the tradition of this section bbq seem to have surpass our expectation when we first organised it when we were in j1! its great to see everyone.boris was back from london for a break(gave us a lot of insight to studying in UK and boy i hope i can have a chance to go there for an exchange or something when i'm in uni. it was very motivating!),jiawei who just became a chao recruit!,johnathan still in ocs now in his planning and management phase,este who's waiting anxiously for the next sem break(although she has yet to start sch for the new sem!),gen still trying to find a job while waiting for results to be out, viv alr found herself a job by giving sectionals to jwss band members,david awaiting for ns, daryl who's happily ord-ing and of course the juniors preparing to start a brand new year filled with stress leading to the A'levels.good luck to everyone :)

spent the last day of 2006 with my family celebrating hari raya aidil adha and watching the fireworks display from marinasouth to usher in the new yr. the view was spectacular!

2006glad it's over.

it has been a rather hectic yr and things just keep coming and coming.

a yr that was filled with much unexpected moments. and there were even instances that i wished i could be teleported to 2007. if there was a yr that i was given a chance to relive again, 2006 would definitely not be the choice. but i was glad and proud of some things that happened in that yr. overall, i'm glad that i survived 2006.

2007

i wanna improve myself in every area possible!

get my driving license.hehs

perform well in ex.voyager and atec

read more books!

have more fun with friends/family

learn something new!

do things that will strengthen my faith

be a better person

go for breakfast at the cookhouse at a higher frequency!hehs.

save money! but must get an ipod.hahaha

and more importantly, enjoy every single day :)

to my frens,

i can only hope for things to get better for everyone in 2007

quote of the wk;

"..the secret of success is sincerity -

once you can fake that, you've got it made."

jean giraudoux,1882-1944,french playwright

and to ilyas, you sure get that right!hehs.

merry advance christmas to all of you :)

here's the link to my pics,este.see you guys soon!kudos.

www.picasaweb.google.com/mohammadmatinmohdari/yr2006

its not exercise greyhawk,voyager,warrior or even nomad but its..
exe. no turning back
macritchie to bukit timah

fun is defined by the company

 

when in doubt mumble,

when in trouble delegate and

when in charge, ponder

james boren

i kindda see myself most of the time delegating!hahaha.

i think i can consider myself as well as the other three toads-este,su and ilyas, ambassadors of the healthy living campaign! once again, we see ourselves donning our sports gear, all set and ready for another fun and crazy yet streneous activity.

Exe. 'no turning back', macritchie to bukit timah nature reserve :)

when you put four crazy idiots together, no amount of rain,mud and distance could deter us from accomplishing our mission. maybe with the exception of dogs and monkeys!

so yeah, we spend our sunday going for a nature walk from macritchie to bukit timah

it was hell lot of a fun! i managed to make them bash through a small part of the forest to see how a sispec navex checkpoint looked liked and brought them to the mouth of the reservoir, which had a spectacular view for us to do some cam-whoring! hahaha.funfunfun :)

funfunfun. in every sense of the word
yes, yes ilyas.you're right. i would take forever to upload my pics!hahaha.but it couldnt be help.i'm too busy with my Ns stuff and duties. i tried okaay, sending este the pics that night but hahahah i fell asleep while typing! whatever it is, in a nutshell the past 2 weeks have been fun hangin out with friends and family :)

persadaSENI @ ESPLANADE

went for the PGL musical, which was awesome.

from the cast to the props. the settings and the creative alternatives to scenes from the actual movie

my goodness, im truly proud of the production

we need more of such plays,tiara jacquelinas and epic movies which flaunts the rich culture of malays!

the show was full house of course and everyone, from the pakciks and makciks to the young kids,

were all dressed up for the occasion

met a few of the celebrities, khairudin and sharon just to name a few

and thats only because i do not know the names of the rest!hahaha.

managed to get a pic with sharon.hahaha.she looks cool :)

oh! went to see fidah dance at one of the outdoor stages of esplanade

journeytotheEAST

i do not know why, but este suddenly had to come up with the crazy idea of cycling

and yeah, so i had to drag ilyas along but it was great fun! especially after the cycling where we went to walk all the way to parkway parade for dinner and eunos mrt subsequently. took loads of pics

and yeah i'm pressured to post them online because i took the most pics! hahaha

cousins hangout

you may think that this has got to be the lamest thing on earth but yeah thats just how me and my cousins are :)

they had to plan this outing the very next day just after i went cycling and i was freaking tired! sooo, i actually smoked out in the morning part.off my phone and remained uncontactable for the entire morning! so that i do not have to go escapethemepark!hahahaha.basically i was too tired lar.hope u guys understand.

after that we went to eat at far east and then proceed to mindscafe at boat quay!

had a lot of fun :) we were practically shouting and screaming our hearts out at that cafe while playing their cool games.

i can only imagine how chaotic it would be if i went there with my friends!

a must-go destination. mindsCafe@boatquay

no. i just can't miss this chance.
i just can't.
i really wanna go. and yes i'm going
despite the bad restricted view seats, the high probability of me going alone and my busy work schedule.i dont care! i'm going.
$30.saturdaynight.esplanadetheatre.
anyone interested?

 

so take a look at me now

'cause there's just an empty space

phillcollins.mariahcarey

*



ns entry alert.
warning: this may bore you but i dont care i need my space to just get things out of my mind.

and so, it has begun.extras,guard duties,scolding sessions,mass signing of the informal punishment book for sgts and all the other shit work. they are all coming one after another like as though this entire series of the worst-is-yet-to-come episode is well orchestrated and well planned by HIM-encik/csm.

every single minute i spend in the company line is dreadful. i hate it. its taking a toll on me. and it gets prety frustrating. i work my ass off to really do a good job but its always a question of, if is it good enough? go to hell laa. the worst part is getting punished for things that isnt my fault. its ridiculous.just plain ridiculous.
and some people can just smoke their way through admist all this shit that is going around.
talk about pride of specialists? my foot okay. from the way YOU treat us, its as good as i'm just a normal men wearing a uniform that bears the rank of a 3rd sgt. in fact i think my men is having a better time than me. they have me to turn to. who do we as specialist have to turn to? you? of course no! at the end of the day, if we ever raise any concerns to you, it will ultimately be our fault.its always ours.never yours. is it that hard to simply admit that it is your fault?

whats your fettish with inspections and standardisation? its ridiculous!

what i need is just a day for myself. a day free from worries.
fuyee, only you would understand the fate of bravo specs.
it is bad. no wonder you ran every night around camp just to get yourself out from all the hype that is happening in the company line. and i would do just that.

now, i cant even watch my Puterigunungledang musical.wth.so yeah, su its off.
thanks ah.you've just made my life livinghell.

i did COS duty on a saturday. it was pretty hectic in the morning when all the big shots were around but it gets better when all of them leaves. you'll get to just sit at the stone table looking at planes landing.enjoying the breeze, hearing music from the radio and just relax.ah, relax-a term that is hard to come by as a bravo spec. it was not too bad. although it was a saturday that could have been spend better with family/friends, i did enjoy myself doing COS all alone in the company line :)

to my friends having exams, gd luck.
i noe you would rather switch places with me and deal with all this shit than studying and feeling the pressure of doing well.
but trust me all things, good or bad will come to an end.hang in there :)
how long can the darkest or stressful 2 weeks be? its still 2 weeks, so hang in there.



*

'Cause I'm the one that loves you lately.

You and me, we got this great thing.

We're the only one's that around,

We're the only one's that around this Babylon.

I hope you find whatever you've been lookin' for.

Just remember where you're from and who you are, '

Cause there's a thousand lights that'll make you feel brand new,

But if you ever lose your way,

I'll leave one on for you.

So, come back and you sit down. Relax.

Everything's to see that you've come a long, long way,

And it's the place that you should be.

danielpowter.loveyoulately

absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones,

as the wind blows out the candle and fans the bonfire :)

francois,Duc de La Rochefoucauld

*

the heart has its reasons, that reason knows nothing of.

crazy moments at vivocity with su,este,azad&ilyas :)

 

you guys make my day :) me,ilyas,fyedee,sue and este :)

 

cam-whoring is definitely FUN!

 

 

touchdown! i couldnt have been any happier :)

 

bye bye temburong.mt biang and lakiun camp :) yayness!

individuals that just make my day everyday.yah,i'm sure!

a survivor!

Glad to be finally back home :) the past few weeks have been the worst yet memorable and great experience for me.there were definitely defining moments in that densely vegetated forest! there were times when i was desperately craving for the SAF dog biscuits! can u believe it? it was that bad.its definitely something that i will never ever forget and i hope to never re-experience it again!

R&R,which was supposed to be rest and relax eventually turned to remorse and regret upon reaching the oh-so-vibrant capital.brunei was B-O-R-I-N-G.they only had 0ne, i repeat ONE mac in the entire country! and that mac wasnt even spectacular or huge. i bet the mac at bukit gombak was larger than it! and and they couldnt have gotten more creative with the name of their biggest shopping centre in the capital(which was not even huge at all, i think lot one was larger! my gdness.)- the mall.wow! how cool.ahahaha.so yeap, enough bout brunei.glad to be back!

***

always a step back
dont think i'm ready yet.

life can only be understood backwards and can only be lived forwards. :)

***

one day hari-raya was fun still.met up with everyone:) it is always cool to see how much ur relatives and cousins have grown.hahaha.i'm speaking like as though i'm, ancient! day2 was a rather fun day with my closest buddies and friends :) really appreciated them coming to my place just to have a cam-whoring session before i leave for brunei.thanks alot guys!

let me try to squeeze in some time to blog!hehs

this past week have been really hectic with camp/bruneitrip and home-hariraya prep.i dont even have time to breathe!hahaha.busybusybusy.and and because of that i missed my dunearn besties outing last night with samcarolfyedeeilyas.damn should have just heck care about all the other stuff that im busy with and just spend quality time with my long time friends. looking at the pics on fyedee's blog just make me green with envy for not being there! actually i feel quite bad bout it lar.there have been many instances whereby they invited and ask me out but i couldnt make it due to my other unworthy obligations.hahaha.tonight's j1j2j3 band iftar is another outing that im not able to go due to my home's annual spring cleaning that will take place 8pm sharp to the next day around 3am if everything goes on fine based on my experience for the past decade.and guess who's incharge? my mum! so i cant say no or she'll nag nag and nag till hariraya.hahahah.i'll make sure my bro suffers together with me!muahahaha.anw,enjoy buke-ing together guys at far east right? and send my regards to the rest :)

i just realise something. i'm not gonna meet a lot of people for a long time! thanks to the hectic schedule leading to ex Lancer in Brunei.and there are so much stuff that i wanna do including meeting my friends.this truly sucks! so, i just feel like giving personal messages to them just before i set off for brunei next week:)

ilyas: you are like the only constant in my life! no matter how busy or how tired i am, i dont think we have ever missed any bubble tea trips to Lot 1(dont forget about tonight's one ar!).hahahaha. now that you have a blog, you have another alternative in expressing ur views and sarcasm, besides the usual sms-es or phone calls! and and for your range, dont worry lar. im sure its due to the weapon.lets just keep it that way, when one can't dance, its due to the floor shaking uncontrollably! ahahaha :) now that you are trying to get back the primary school hairstyle, i suggest you better stop and save the world from more eye irritation looking at you! the haze is bad enough.hahaha. nonetheless, selamat hari raya aidilfitri and maaf zahir dan batin. this hari raya would definitely be different. i dont think we would even have any jalan raye unless you guys can plan one when i get back on the 12nov.hahaha. if there is, you must take loads of pictures.try to stay hip and cool!hahaha, just joking lar.but seriously selamat hariraya and have fun :) i'll try to get some plants back from brunei!hahaha.

fyedee: hey!my cool cousin/friend! l'm not even sure if im gonna jalanraye with datuk's side. but whatever it is, im sure you do not have any mood for raye thanks to the A'levels.anw, really wanted to wish you all the best for the Alevels.im sure your hard work will pay off.just dont give up.this is the final stretch then in a few years time we could study together again in nus with ilyas, carol sam and the rest.i'm sure its gonna be fun:) really regretted not going for the outing yesterday! whatever it is, i dont have to worry so much cos cos i noe that we can always plan another fun outing another time. last week's guy's out in town was really cool. miss having conversations with all my close friends like those we had eons ago, during our kental-an days in dunearn.hahaha.well, things have changed and we kindda of lead different lives now and it would be hard to spend quality time with everyone. well, at least we could try doing so in future! here goes: selamat hariraya!maaf zahir dan batin.amidst all the conversations, be it sarcastic or not, hurtful or joyful, pleasant or unpleasant, deep in my heart i know that we care for all of our friends and thats the only reason why we do that. thats the only thing that have kept our friendships-fuzion,sclub,sclubminusone and bandkampongs-close and tight. and i believe it would continue to be so in yrs to come.

fidah: hey!my fun math tuition and study mate at woodlandslibrary. i'm truly glad that you're now doing well in school and having fun! i feel bad for not being able to meet up with you despite the many occasions that you have initiated! everyone is so busy and that the time is always not right. blame it on the SAF! damn ns!hahaha. never mind about that but i truly appreciate your views on my designs.hahaha, anyway just to inform you, my poster/banner won the first prize!hahaha.great great:) i doubt i will be able to meet you anytime soon just to have chats session over drinks but i promise once i get back from brunei, i'll make sure i make time to hang out with you guys :) so yeah, just wanted to wish you selamat hariraya.maaf zahir dan batin!enjoy yourselves and send my regards to ur family.i'm sure now your bro will look soo cute wearing the bajukurung!erms, the youngest one i mean! hahaha. the other one is like beanstalk!he's damn tall ah. must tell me what he eats cos i dont think im still growing! shit.

khai: heycool cikgu! hahaha..really glad to have met you at westmall.wait wait..hmmmm.i doubt you would be reading this. but nonetheless, just wanted to wish you selamat hari raya! hope to meet you soon. i'll send an sms to you! hahahaha. contingency plan!

suhaila/sue/su: my very insightful friend who looks at this world at a totally different angle!hahahah. never fails to inspire me to do some soul searching on my part. you're like my easy-to-access ahmad deedad.hehs. i still do not noe when i can meet you to pass you ur bsb cds as well as ur taiwan gift! they are seriously collecting dust on my shelf!!hahahah.but at least its not lost with my mess!hahaha. never mind lar, i think i'll pass you after brunei when i can pass you the brunei souveniers as well.hehehe.hmm, of course i'll never forget about you and your views on not having a relationship, adopting and matters of the heart.hahaha.ur views are seriously interesting! but whatever it is, if you plan to get married to the rich tengku-s of the brunei palace, just tell me as i will be visiting them soon and i could give them ur number.i'm sure they'll be interested, especially now.. with ur cool,kickass funky hairstyle! i can give you their autographs.unless of course you already have someone in mind!hehs.anw, jokes aside, just wanted to wish you selamat hariraya.maaf zahir batin. of course i noe i haven been the perfect friend that would say everything nice and great about everything. but its only because im being frank and i rather be comfortable with those around me and not be someone else. hence thats the reason for me apologising if i have said anything that have in one way or another hurt or affected you. i admit doing so, in fact, it has been on too many occasions that i couldnt remember!hahahah.so yeap.enjoy this yr's hari raya with family/friends.gd luck in ur coming exams after raya and send my regards to your family :) meet ya soon!

carol: hi drliew. you are one of those that i will always laugh recalling the kind of questions that you asked me at one point in time. "matin ar, do you noe where the flies fly to when it rains?" "do you knoe what happens when you die? i think ah when i die, i envision myself in a place where there are many escalators leading to the respective gods and i wont have any designated to me cos i dunno who i wanna follow now!"hahaha. whatever it is, it has always been cool hanging out with you especially when you start giving ur theories on how the world works with issues touching on the topic of friends.another one of my insightful friends! really blessed to have you guys around :) i still remember the first time i actually worked with you.hahaha. my balls were shrinking with fears!hahaha.pardon me for the crude ns language.haha.but yeah, it has been fun ever since.see ya around soon!

samantha: smarty pants, now with a so much cooler hairstyle! really miss talking to you. the last time i met you was when i uttered like a sentence to you in nus!hahaha.soo, must meet up soon!ok ok i noe its my fault that i wasnt present for yesternight's outing. i'll try to make it up some time soon:) update ur blog and i hope the haze isnt bothering you too much cos from ur entries you seemed really really concerned over the haze clouding our nation!hahaha :) stay hip and funky with lots of pizzas and cheese!hahahahaha.

shasha,cousin: gd luck for ur A'levels!study hard ar.hehehe.this yr its ur turn!muahahahaha.ok lar, im not that evil! seriously continue to push on and dont give up! you have reached the final league.give your best shot! i hope you have sufficient rest despite ur hectic study schedule! i hope i could still recognise you at nenek's place when you arrive and not mistaken you for some walking zombie in tudong or a giant panda with baju kurung!hahaha.see ya on tues :)

este: i hope things have been going on fine for you. im glad that you are really enjoying yourself in nus. campus life is truly interesting huh.cant wait to enter! whatever it is i hope you'll continue to have an enriching life there.im not sure why but i kind of find it hard to say anything to you now. it just seems so weird. there seems to be this uncomfortable barrier.im not sure why but i dunno lar, maybe its just me.anyway, i hope we could meet up despite our busy schedules, just to have a chat with ilyas,su,fyedee and the rest.i'm sure there's alot to talk about.anyway, just wanna wish you selamat hariraya aidilfitri! maaf zahir dan batin. yes i noe i've been an idiotic friend, giving you sarcastic msgs early in the morning and comments on the phone! hahaha.but please give me credit for the sarcastic sms-es.its not easy being sarcastic on text messages!heheh, jokes aside. i really really would like to apologise if i have ever,(which i believe is most of the time) said or do anything that may have hurt or affected you in one way or another. sometimes right, we pass certain comments not because we feel good or find pleasure in doing so. its because we are just looking out for one another.lets put it as all of us do really care for one another and that we try our best to help out one another as and when we can to the best of our ability. i'm seriously glad with the relationship that we-you,me,ilyas,fyedee,sam,carol,sue,khai,fidah and the rest- have all this while. i hope it will continue for yrs to come:) anyway, yeah selamat hariraya once again. gd luck for your incoming exams next month.send my regards to ur family and ur cute little bro :) must show me his pic with baju kurung!hahaha


this has been a super duper long entry!hahaha.its not like everyday that i could give all my friends a card with my personal messages for them!this seems to be a better alternative. a cheaper one too! now..dont give me that now-you-are-earning-a-sergeant's-pay-and-that-you-should-be-better-off-than-me look! i'm budget alright!hahaha



i hope you noe where i am coming from.

its time for some ART appreciation!

its like 9am on a thursday, a weird and rare occasion for me to blog as i would be stuck in camp, either doing stand-bys or duties in the company line. nonetheless, the point is I AM AT HOME NOW! hahaha but not for long. i came back this morning cos my officers wanted me to grab hold the soft copies of the safety poster and banner that i've made to send it for battallion competition. can you believe it? in the army, creativity and artwork still counts! sooo, here is a peek at my poster and banner. i hope that they will be winning pieces!hahha, (i put in alot of effort okay!) maybe one day, the army would use these safety posters instead of the usual, boring, squarish ones!hahahaha :)

presenting the poster and banner of the day! hahaha*drum rolls*

(above) dehydration, a very important health hazard that many do not seem to take seriously! observe ur urine!

(above) resting is essential in our lives.train hard and rest hard! sleeping for seven hours a day (not more ar!) would optimise ur performance for the day :)

trip to GeylangSerai Bazaar at 0130hrs!

it was filled with much fun, but not forgetting that almost all of my cousins' eyes were practically trying their best to keep it open! it was of course my idea,haha.they were all already very tired but i just had to drag all of them there as i wanted to get a bite of the dengdeng-a malay, halal version of bak kwa! its not everyday that i can eat such stuff ookay.. and the past week have been very tiring and hectic back in camp, thanks to the intense training programme to prep us for exercise LANCER in brunei which is gonna take place 2 days after Hari Raya.how much worst can it get right?

above are snapshots of dengdeng, my relatives trying to put on a smile!(which i can see them putting some effort!), my uncles and dad posing infront of their cars and of course the road sign that says Geylang Rd, as an evidence of me being there!

yesterday, i was supposed to meet up a couple of group of people but..sadly it didnt happen, not because i didnt want to but circumstances just didnt allow me to do so. sorry guys! here's a brief plan of what was supposed to happen yesterday..

supposed to have met at 6pm, somerset mrt station for a class gathering cum dinner with hafidz(who planned it btw),qianqi,taufiq,azad,jacq,jo and the rest but i couldnt as i had to go over to my grandmother's place for dinner.

supposed to have met 5d, ilyas and hafiz for desserts and ice-cream after breaking fast at 9pm but the plan was cancelled when hafiz had to celebrate someone's birthday(i wonder whose!hehehe), ilyas had to return back to camp for duty and 5d had to watch a movie with his friends.

supposed to have tagged along with su and este for break fast somewhere, which i totally regretted not going as they went to pizza hut! aargh.i guess maybe next time..




whatever it is, i really miss hanging out with my friends :) i still have to pass su her bsb cds as well as the gift that i bought for her from taiwan and and i still gotta meet up with fusion to catch up on how they have been doing so far and i gotta meet este and ilyas for any latest gossip or sensational news!hahahaha. so many things to do and too little time. 1guards have been tiring me and taking too much time from me!

if you guys are reading this, plan something ok! i'll have a block leave a wk before raya, so maybe we could go out :)

oh oh oh.before i forget. go check out ilyas's blog! at orangecrumblepie.blogspot.com
it's a miracle that he had managed to handle all the html crap to come up with a decent blog, which will not be very decent in the forseeable future, due to the predictable gossips and bitchyness that is to come in a different format(not from his mouth but in his sentences!) can't wait for it. its definitely gonna be interesting :)

finally, i've the time to make changes to my blogskin.was rather bored at the previous layout. i was actually experimenting with the html thingy, which i'm not very comfortable with btw. but somehow along the way i was too caught up with other things that i totally forgot that i had a blog! whatever it is, yes i'm back with this new, fresh and very very simple layout.

ilyas was mentioning to me that my entries were mostly bout ns, which is oh-so-boring! i've noted it and will try but no promises though to keep the entries on my national service to the minimum.hahaha. i have to put this on the record, that ilyas is actually one person in this world that i will take his critics and comments like seriously.my, you'll never know what he could do to you if you go against him! trust me, you'll never wanna know. oh btw, ilyas just joined the 19 year old club after years and years of living in his own world believing that he's only 13 and that mariah carey will come knocking at his door one day to sing the song, without you. maybe that was why he didn't want to celebrate his 19th birthday with a bash as it would be a slap on his face with a big signboard that says: REALITY CHECK!YOU'RE GETTING OLDER.GROW UP!

nonetheless, i had to drag him out to at least have a talk, not because i want to, but because i had nothing better to do!hahaha.soo, i dragged carol along too to make it more interesting. we were hanging out at starbucks.talk bout school, ns(not again), friends(hehe,some issues!),future plans, views on life and yeah basically about everything! after that we headed to the nearest food court to get whatever food that we have been craving before the act of fasting actually begins the next day. above are the pictures. happy birthday ilyas :)



Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do and nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
There's something about you now
I can't quite figure out
whatever.screw this.

the different side.

i have always wanted to do something,
something that would make a difference to people's lives.

right from the begining, i've always dedicated my services to lead my peers, juniors and friends. leadership has always been something very close to my heart. i dunno why but i just feel like doing it as and when i feel that i should stand up and just speak up for the rest. there are things in this world which i hate and these are the very things that make me wanna do something to change it. i do not like the idea of letting the shit flow around. even if it doesn't concern me anymore, we should always spare a thought for those coming after us. my passion for leadership continued to my days in the army. i've always been positive about changing and making a difference to the lives of others. its not about pride or glory. i just wanna see things change.

"why aren't you guys smiling anymore? we must look forward to each day with full of enthusiasm! smile more and be happy!.." 2WO teo.PC of golf coy

entering sispec, at pasir laba was of course and eye opener to my weakness and strengths. i learnt a lot from the warrent officers there-2WO teo, 1WO chew and sgt salman just to name a few. they made me motivated to do more than just the ordinary. these individuals make me aspire to be an extraordinary commander. their passion and motivation simply impressed me.

but now, things seem to have changed. i'm not the motivated person anymore. i do not know where have all my aspiration to lead my men gone to. as the task of doing so daunts on me, it feels almost impossible. with many of my peers now trying their best to get out from this route, i do not really have many people to share my sentiments with. every night before i go to sleep, i ask myself if i am ready to lead these men. my answer has been a NO ever since i spent my days in the bunks of 1st guards.

"..why me?why of all people its me? THEY have many other suitable candidates for this position, but why me? why must THEY always send me to places where i do not want to be in?.."

i talked to my parents about this over the phone last week and i immediately broke down in tears. never in my life have i felt this low in morale before. simply put in words, i've reached my bottom rock.

days later, i felt that there's no point in just being disappointed and unhappy about it. its about facing my fears and focusing on my strengths.
fears of not being able to earn the respect of the men
fears of not being able to change their lives for the better
fears of not being able to be there for them when they need me

it's only today that i realise, it doesn't matter whatever the reason why i'm here.He and They must have their reasons for doing so but more importantly, i'm here for a purpose, for better or for worst i have to face it and not let my men down. i'm not going to follow how those commanders that have come before me have led their men.this is me.i'll do it my way, my style.

to each individual is his own way and style.
insyallah, with strength, wisdom and guidance from Him, i'll be able to succeed.

thanks :)

this is the moment.
the graduation parade finale

 

all geared up to be a 3rd sgt!
the cool/crap/talking cock guys of my section - john,clement,ameer,bob,me,gabs,hamizan and iman
my close ones.
the mats of echo 1 - ali,hamizan and iman

the graduation parade finale.
a dedication to those who have helped transformed me to what i am now

I've never been the one to raise my hand,
That was not me and now that's who I am
Because of you I am standing tall,

My heart is full of endless gratitude,
You were the one,
the one to guide me through,
Now I can see and I believe it's only just beginning

This what we dream about but the only question with me now
Is do I make you proud
Stronger than I've ever been NOW
Never been afraid of standing out
But do I make you proud

I guess I've learned, to question is to grow
That you still have faith, is all I need to know
I've learned to love, myself in spite of me
And I've learned to walk, the road that I believe

Everybody needs to rise up
Everybody needs to be loved,
to be loved

This what we dream about
but the only question with me now
Is do I make you proud

Stronger than I've ever been NOW
Never been afraid of standing out
But do I make you proud

tailor hicks :)