the different side.

i have always wanted to do something,
something that would make a difference to people's lives.

right from the begining, i've always dedicated my services to lead my peers, juniors and friends. leadership has always been something very close to my heart. i dunno why but i just feel like doing it as and when i feel that i should stand up and just speak up for the rest. there are things in this world which i hate and these are the very things that make me wanna do something to change it. i do not like the idea of letting the shit flow around. even if it doesn't concern me anymore, we should always spare a thought for those coming after us. my passion for leadership continued to my days in the army. i've always been positive about changing and making a difference to the lives of others. its not about pride or glory. i just wanna see things change.

"why aren't you guys smiling anymore? we must look forward to each day with full of enthusiasm! smile more and be happy!.." 2WO teo.PC of golf coy

entering sispec, at pasir laba was of course and eye opener to my weakness and strengths. i learnt a lot from the warrent officers there-2WO teo, 1WO chew and sgt salman just to name a few. they made me motivated to do more than just the ordinary. these individuals make me aspire to be an extraordinary commander. their passion and motivation simply impressed me.

but now, things seem to have changed. i'm not the motivated person anymore. i do not know where have all my aspiration to lead my men gone to. as the task of doing so daunts on me, it feels almost impossible. with many of my peers now trying their best to get out from this route, i do not really have many people to share my sentiments with. every night before i go to sleep, i ask myself if i am ready to lead these men. my answer has been a NO ever since i spent my days in the bunks of 1st guards.

"..why me?why of all people its me? THEY have many other suitable candidates for this position, but why me? why must THEY always send me to places where i do not want to be in?.."

i talked to my parents about this over the phone last week and i immediately broke down in tears. never in my life have i felt this low in morale before. simply put in words, i've reached my bottom rock.

days later, i felt that there's no point in just being disappointed and unhappy about it. its about facing my fears and focusing on my strengths.
fears of not being able to earn the respect of the men
fears of not being able to change their lives for the better
fears of not being able to be there for them when they need me

it's only today that i realise, it doesn't matter whatever the reason why i'm here.He and They must have their reasons for doing so but more importantly, i'm here for a purpose, for better or for worst i have to face it and not let my men down. i'm not going to follow how those commanders that have come before me have led their men.this is me.i'll do it my way, my style.

to each individual is his own way and style.
insyallah, with strength, wisdom and guidance from Him, i'll be able to succeed.

thanks :)