the different side.

i have always wanted to do something,
something that would make a difference to people's lives.

right from the begining, i've always dedicated my services to lead my peers, juniors and friends. leadership has always been something very close to my heart. i dunno why but i just feel like doing it as and when i feel that i should stand up and just speak up for the rest. there are things in this world which i hate and these are the very things that make me wanna do something to change it. i do not like the idea of letting the shit flow around. even if it doesn't concern me anymore, we should always spare a thought for those coming after us. my passion for leadership continued to my days in the army. i've always been positive about changing and making a difference to the lives of others. its not about pride or glory. i just wanna see things change.

"why aren't you guys smiling anymore? we must look forward to each day with full of enthusiasm! smile more and be happy!.." 2WO teo.PC of golf coy

entering sispec, at pasir laba was of course and eye opener to my weakness and strengths. i learnt a lot from the warrent officers there-2WO teo, 1WO chew and sgt salman just to name a few. they made me motivated to do more than just the ordinary. these individuals make me aspire to be an extraordinary commander. their passion and motivation simply impressed me.

but now, things seem to have changed. i'm not the motivated person anymore. i do not know where have all my aspiration to lead my men gone to. as the task of doing so daunts on me, it feels almost impossible. with many of my peers now trying their best to get out from this route, i do not really have many people to share my sentiments with. every night before i go to sleep, i ask myself if i am ready to lead these men. my answer has been a NO ever since i spent my days in the bunks of 1st guards.

"..why me?why of all people its me? THEY have many other suitable candidates for this position, but why me? why must THEY always send me to places where i do not want to be in?.."

i talked to my parents about this over the phone last week and i immediately broke down in tears. never in my life have i felt this low in morale before. simply put in words, i've reached my bottom rock.

days later, i felt that there's no point in just being disappointed and unhappy about it. its about facing my fears and focusing on my strengths.
fears of not being able to earn the respect of the men
fears of not being able to change their lives for the better
fears of not being able to be there for them when they need me

it's only today that i realise, it doesn't matter whatever the reason why i'm here.He and They must have their reasons for doing so but more importantly, i'm here for a purpose, for better or for worst i have to face it and not let my men down. i'm not going to follow how those commanders that have come before me have led their men.this is me.i'll do it my way, my style.

to each individual is his own way and style.
insyallah, with strength, wisdom and guidance from Him, i'll be able to succeed.

thanks :)

this is the moment.
the graduation parade finale

 

all geared up to be a 3rd sgt!
the cool/crap/talking cock guys of my section - john,clement,ameer,bob,me,gabs,hamizan and iman
my close ones.
the mats of echo 1 - ali,hamizan and iman

the graduation parade finale.
a dedication to those who have helped transformed me to what i am now

I've never been the one to raise my hand,
That was not me and now that's who I am
Because of you I am standing tall,

My heart is full of endless gratitude,
You were the one,
the one to guide me through,
Now I can see and I believe it's only just beginning

This what we dream about but the only question with me now
Is do I make you proud
Stronger than I've ever been NOW
Never been afraid of standing out
But do I make you proud

I guess I've learned, to question is to grow
That you still have faith, is all I need to know
I've learned to love, myself in spite of me
And I've learned to walk, the road that I believe

Everybody needs to rise up
Everybody needs to be loved,
to be loved

This what we dream about
but the only question with me now
Is do I make you proud

Stronger than I've ever been NOW
Never been afraid of standing out
But do I make you proud

tailor hicks :)

 

taiwan-oh-taiwan!
of course, i wasn't excited at all initially about going to taiwan since i already have a rough idea of how tough the training and terrain would be. the feeling that i got at the airport before leaving singapore was basically a 'sian' one, very different from the sentiments that i had before going to china and switzerland with the school band. i went there with much hesitation. if given a choice, i would rather slack in singapore!ahaha, yeah that's the true feelings of every full time national servicemen! upon reaching, i was utterly shocked by the mountains that stood before me. the weather didn't helped at all. it was freakin hot! and at that point in time, i knew the next 19 days would be a hell lot of an experience.

true enough, we climbed mountains after mountains, walked over a distance of more that 30km in 3 days in full gear, slept in orange plantations for 8 days, fed mosquitoes and more mosquitoes, crossed rivers after rivers, not bathing(eww!), got drenched by the rain almost every night, suffered with the extreme heat in the day, fight objectives after objectives and ate the oh-so-delicious combat rations almost every single day. it was tough. but but..fun and interesting at times.nonetheless, i would never never ever want to relive that experience again!

it's amazing how we motivated ourselves throughout the entire exercise our in the field.some of us choose to do a countdown while others talk about what they plan to do the first thing they reach home. some simply chose to sleep through it whenever they can. others make themselves happy by heating their combat rations by laying it on the ground using the heat from the sun and then eating it using a fork, imagining that they are somewhere else. yes yes it may sound very trivial but we find joy in it! i happen to be the one that initiated it! ahaha.

so what did i do to make myself survive the full 8 days outfield without any form of comfort?

i made a shopping list for my trip to taipei city!
i heat up my rations using the heat from the sun
i cooked my own version of maggi noodles
i wrote about what happen every single day in my notebook
i plucked longans and oranges!(oops, i hope my officers aren't reading this)
i enjoyed the night view with all the stars
i brushed my teeth!
i draw
i cut orange leaves into very tiny pieces and burn them, thus releasing a nice orange smell
i draw on stones that i found
i stole my friend's milo packet!ehehe.
i said my prayers.

that was how i managed to survive in the dense forest of Taiwan.
we had a fun time. a lot of stories to tell. we did things that would made us laugh when we talk about it in future. my relationships with my friends and buddies - iman,john,roy,wenfu,ryan,ameer,hamizan,gabs,clement,bob,ali and many more became stronger and it made me freaking sad that we will be going our separate ways after the new posting is out.

but life has to go on.
we'll meet up in uni!
3rd Sgt matin is coming ur way :) haha